Scenes We'd Like To See: Series 7, Episode 2
The following is a guide to the Scenes We'd Like To See topics and suggestions made in the second episode of the seventh series. Key *'HD' – Hugh Dennis *'AP' – Andy Parsons *'FB' – Frankie Boyle *'RH' – Russell Howard *'TS' – Tom Stade *'RG' – Rhod Gilbert Topics Unlikely Things To Hear On a Survival Show *'FB: '''I was first taught to eat in the bush by a French girl I went out with when I was at university. *'HD: To get the fish: Break the ice, jump the checkout and RUN! *'''TS: Not only is this lake good for fish, but we can also put a body in it. *'FB: '''Using excrements, mud and twigs, they've made primative bedding here at The Premier Travelodge. *'RH:' I'm in the Congo. Let's settle this once and for all. Do you boys like Um Bongo? *'AP:' Here I am, in the jungle, the mighty jungle... Awimoweh, awimoweh awim! *'FB:' But who are the truly civilized? Is it the Emboopee tribe, or is it us, with our books, our medicine, and our internet-- Oh yes, it's us. *'RG: Of course food is a scarce and valuable resource to these tribespeople. So I've just bagged myself two nights with this fella's wife for a Twix. *'HD: '''You know Ant and Dec think that their jungle's pretty tough. Well, they join my today but there was no food, so I eat them. *'RH: The villagers get up early and walk five miles to fetch clean water every day, which begs the question, why not move the village closer? *'FB:' The strong, powerful sun is making me sweat. Oh, shit, here comes his dad! *'HD:' I've been living in these woods for three weeks now. But that's what happens if you marry to the Home Secretary if he catches you watching porn. *'RH:' I'm Bear Grylls, and this is my brother, Wolf Stirfry. *'FB:' I've just achieved my life's ambition, by climbing Everest, with no food, and no equipment. NOW DO YOU LOVE ME DADDY?! NOW DO YOU LOVE ME?! Unlikely Things To Read On a Packet *'FB:' Ragu Sauce: If you gave this to someone who is actually from Italy, they punch you in the face. *'HD:' To open, push down tab, break tab, swear repeatedly, STAB WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS!! *'AP:' Serves four, you greedy bastard. Now put some of that back. *'FB:' Viagra are proud sponsors of Andy Murray. For people who can only achieve a semi. *'TS: '''Bag may also be used for autoerotic asphyxiation. *'RH:' Fairtrade coffee: If you don't like it, you're racist. *'FB: Sunny Delight counts towards your five-a-day... as minus two. *'''HD: To stop diarrhoea, take one teaspoon and shove it up your arse. *'RG:' Adults and children over 12 years: Try not to get those two mixed up. *'AP:' Cup-A-Soup: Just add soup. *'FB: '''Best before date: Rohypnol. *'RH:' Serving Suggestions: on a plate, you thick moron! *'FB:''' We use only the very cheapest horsemeat to make "Fuck It, It's Just A Cat". Category:Scenes We'd Like To See